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Couples Counselling

My Approach

One of the main reasons people avoid couples counselling is they're worried that the finger will be pointed at them. Either this, or they're worried that the therapist will side with their partner, and they will go unheard, yet again. 

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In reality, couples counselling is not a blame game but an opportunity to understand each other and meet each other's needs, which has likely gone the way of the dodo for some time. 

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Often, it's the case that you each learn a lot about yourselves through the process, and perhaps articulate for the first time what it really is that you're wanting from your partner. 

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During the first few sessions, I spend time learning about each of your histories, including childhood and family of origin experiences. This gives me a solid understanding of where each of you came from and why you might be interacting with each other in the way you are, now. Sometimes, this means that I might spend one session speaking mostly to one of you and then spend the next session with the other. It's important for both of you to hear each other's stories, as you might hear a version that has never been told in this way before. 

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After we've established the foundation, we will begin using schema-based therapy, to help both of you express your emotional needs and have your needs met in a healthy and supportive way.

Session Planning

It can often be beneficial to have 90-minute sessions in the beginning, to enable plenty of time to conduct the initial assessments and fully explore each other's histories. I usually recommend at least 3 initial 90-minute sessions, after which time we can reassess the frequency.

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